James Bennett — Springfield, Missouri

I have six years of experience with this one. He had just gotten out of a 2-yr relationship when I met him (I was with his friend at the time) and was involved in another long-term relationship a few months later. I broke up with his friend around the time he had a child w/ his g/f (and by this time they were having BIG problems). By one year later we were having an affair (I was very much in love with this man soon after I met him). This affair, a beautiful, fairy-tale romance which we did not make much of an effort to hide, continued for over a year and resulted in many wonderful times – and a child. After he found out I was pregnant, six weeks later he stopped calling, stopped wanting to see me. He called once a month to keep me quiet – because, by this time, he had found yet another girl to turn his attentions to (no s*x with the new one – just “hanging out” constantly). After our daughter was born (no, he didn’t bother to attend the birth), the first message he left on my phone when she was a week old was simply “keep it quiet, my g/f almost found out from someone else and I am p****d off.” After she was 6 weeks old, he decided he wanted to see her, and I welcomed this. He began to visit about once or twice a month. By the time she was 4 months old, he had begun the affair with me again (yes – I was still very in love with him after everything). He eventually did break up with his 5-yr girlfriend, and circumstances developed into a relationship – really and truly – and he moved in with me soon after their seperation. Our daughter is almost two, and his ex still doesn’t know she is our daughter, and just now, after a year, found out he is living with me. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me… loves me more than he ever did her… he has always said these things. We work at the same company – and I found him lying to me twice about going to lunch with a Russian teenager who was only here for three weeks. He lied to me to go to lunch with her alone… then after discussing this and getting it out and trying to trust him again – I had gone to put a nice I-love-you note in his wallet one day before work, and found a graphic, detailed, beautifully written love letter to the girl he was hanging out with while I carried his child – alone. He denied he was in love with her… but she had conveniently moved back into town, very close, actually. She truly knows nothing of this letter or his intention to use her for a fling. He said he really didn’t have the heart to do it, when all was said and done – he didn’t have the heart to do that to HER! I might add, the entire time I was pregnant he never offered to help pay for anything, did not attend her birth, did not come around, gave me ZERO support. I have footed ALL bills when it comes to her, and he only began to give me money when he began staying with me. Seems that now he is bored and committed he is on the prowl again… watch out for him.

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